ULYSSES on tape

I think I'm going to switch to an audio tape of ULYSSES. I'll start from scratch if I do.

The audio version I'm thinking of getting has Michael Jackson reading most of Stephen Dedalus's sections, Bill Murray for Leopold Bloom, Steve Woodmore for big boring chunks (he's the world's fastest talker, clocked at 637 words a minute), and Paris Hilton for Molly Bloom.

ULYSSES has inspired me!

To write a thriller, that is. One that uses ULYSSES as its template. My hero and villains will dash around Dublin with the same itinerary of Stephen Dedalus, Leopold Bloom et al. The fate of the world is at stake.

Here’s the opening:


Plump, panting Tuck Corrigan trotted up the tower stairs, bearing a Glock 9 mm in his sweaty palms. If he had spare breath, he would have cursed the Father. Why the hell did the jejune Jesuit insist on saying his morning office up here in the heavens?

Tuck found Father Stephen Father leaning against the parapet, his moody gaze on the distant sullen sea.

Father Stephen's cassock rustled as he straightened and turned. “Do you remember the day, Tuck, when I pulled you out of the gutter?”

Tuck took several deep breaths and shoved the Glock into the Father’s hand. “Listen, you frightful Jesuit, stop counting your spiritual notches. There are milkmen downstairs, and they aren’t delivering cream. Go and shoot them, would you?”

By the way, I've copyrighted this idea. Anybody steals it, I'll Holy Blood & Grail you in court.

What my mind looks like now

I've reread the Sirens section, and this depicts my understanding:



Actually, I can see more of the hints that Seguro kindly pointed out to me in his comments, but I have to wonder about the first casual reader to read ULYSSES. How was he (or she) able to figure out what the heck was going on without having any guide books or helping experts?

Still alive, still reading

I had this dream last night.

God refused to let me die until I had finished UYLSSES.

Soooooo, me being a superstitious sort, I might start reading one word a day from now on.